Do you like my story so far?

Suzie Smithson looked at herself in the mirror as she applied the lip-gloss to her perfectly plumped lips. The lip gloss was juicy couture. Probably 1 of Lucy’s favorite brands. She looked in the mirror ounce again this time studying her face. It was oval shaped. Slightly pale with just enough rosy color to balance it off. She had no acne unlike other teenage girls she had knowledge who’s faces were absolutely loaded. Suzie loved to laugh at those girls or as she referred to them “Pigs’. Her nose was perfect. Small and curved right down the middle. Her eyes were the perfect dark blue of an ocean. And her soft neatly combed dark locks went down to her waist. Suzie had knowledge she was beautiful. And she used that to torture people. It was her weapon of choice. She played up her looks to be envied by many and wanted by others. The other girls of her 11th grade classroom threw snide remarks here and there. But she whisked the away with her saying; People who envy you love you or else why would they find jealousy in you? And with a last flick of mascara on her long dark eyelashes she was off. Today was Fri. That always gave her a good feeling. Fri is when they put the ‘popularity chart” Up on the wall. It rates your popularity from top-Being the highest to bottom - Being the lowest. And she always made queen. Queen was the girl who had highest ranks in popularity and king was the same for guys. And her boyfriend , Jake Stevenson was always king. And was the only reason Suzie was dating him. He was loud, Crude and careless. He was a jock which was the main appeal of her suburban high school. And he was very wealthy , As anyone would assume his parents both being doctors. Suzie was wealthy too. Her was mother was a Lawyer, Her father was a judge. Well not exactly what you'd call a real judge. He had a talk show on every Fri and Sat afternoon. It was called judge Smithson. Where her father paid actors to come on his TV show and pretend to have some sort of stupid conflict. But despite the stupidity, It ranked very high in ratings. So they were wealthy and like many wealthy families with children , They paid no attention to her whatsoever. Instead they gave her a MasterCard and enjoyed their lives as if they had no children. Suzie walked down the concrete steps of her staircase to the large front door with the brass knockers and past the swimming pool. She arrived to her shiny brand new Ferrari which had been made custom for her since she was to old to use the personal driver her parents had bought for her. She hopped in the front seat checked her mirrors and was off her powerful car humming and slowly killing the Environment. She arrived to the front doors of her beloved snobby school. She walked out first poking 1 leg then the other out of the door in a seductive manor. Jake was awaiting. ‘Oh great’ Suzie mumbled to herself. “Hey baby!’ She chirped walking up to her blonde blue eyed boyfriend. Typical white jock. “Hey’ He said kissing her eagerly his hormones raging…as they always did. He slipped his tongue into her mouth. He tasted like chili dog. Ew. Suzie had knowledge how to kiss when on the other hand Jake did not. He just swirled his tongue around in her as if he was violently fighting her mouth. When he was done he released his grip from Suzie’s lower back and smirked. “Why don’t you say we cut class and head for the bushes?’ She gagged a bit. “No Jake I don’t want to fuck right now!” he stroked her hair. “Come on babe I stole some of my dad’s condoms.” She hated hen Jake called her babe or baby. She was not a bay. She was a developed teenager. “Come on..” He said again slightly nudging her playfully. “I’ve got some condoms…” He took a small baggie out of his front pocket holding the condoms. “And I still got my virginity. And I’d like to keep it that way.” And with that I walked away. Along the schoolyard to the classroom where I was late for English. I walked in the room. “sorry I’m late I really didn’t mean to be.” She said fluttering her eyelashes at the teacher and putting on a sad semi puppy dog face. “Very well then..” He said enhanced by her charm. “Take a seat.” “Thank you Mr. Ericson” Suzie said twirling a lock of her hair and crossing her long legs. Her best friends Anna, Marley and Courtney patted the seat in which they had reserved for her. Anna Marley and Courtney were 3 also very popular girls. They stood at their lockers all day, Combed their hair and gossiped in loud whispers as people passed threw the halls.
“Oh my gawwd!” Whispered Anna. Look at Joshua over their! He's scribbling your name into his desk!” He was. He had taken a pencil, Broke it twice sharpened it and scribbled; Suzie+Joshua=true love. Suzie laughed but at yet the same time thought it was sweet. Of course she’d never express these feelings to anyone. They’d all turn on her. Even her 3 “Best friends”. “No shit he scribbles my name on his desk every day!”
“As all boys do!” added Courtney. “Yeah everyone seems to have t

7 Comments on “Do you like my story so far?

  1. This seems like a really good story so far! I would love to hear it all! Is there anyway you could tell me the rest of it? I’d reallly loveee to read itt 🙂

  2. well
    honestly?
    i threw up a very little inside

    i hate these kinds of books. i hate hate hate when people spell stuff like gawd. but i know that there are a lot of girls out there who DO like these kinds of books, so you’re not totally hopeless. anyone who is a fan of the clique and/or gossip girl will be more than happy to read your book.

    and as for the advice…

    -please do not spell god gawd. please. trust me. just by doing that, your target audience is going to become fourteen and under.

    -no 1 cares about the lip gloss being juicy couture, or that it’s 1 of her her friends’ favorite brands. seriously. but if you really, really think it’s important that the reader knows her lip gloss is from juicy couture, make it into 1 sentence >> Suzie Smithson looked at herself in the mirror as she applied her Juicy Couture lip gloss to her plump lips.

    And…

    She looked in the mirror once again this time studying her face. It was oval shaped. Slightly pale with just enough rosy color to balance it off. She had no acne unlike other teenage girls she had knowledge who’s faces were absolutely loaded. Suzie loved to laugh at those girls or as she referred to them “Pigs’. Her nose was perfect. Small and curved right down the middle. Her eyes were the perfect dark blue of an ocean. And her soft neatly combed dark locks went down to her waist.

    ^you MUST change this. seriously. you’re going to get a lot of eye rolls if you keep this.

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